UNEMPLOYABLE INC.EMPLOYEE
IDENTIFICATION
IDENTIFICATION
EXCESSIVELY AVAILABLE
YOUR NAME HERE
Director of Doing Nothing
EMP. #000000
VALID UNTIL: MONDAY
VALID UNTIL: MONDAY
NOW HIRING. STANDARDS OPTIONAL.
Finally.
A job you're
bad at.
Welcome to the company for the professionally
unemployable. No skills. No hustle. You're perfect.
NO CV REQUIRED.
WE WOULDN'T READ IT.
WE WOULDN'T READ IT.
✳ A deeply unserious internet company. Built on Solana.
HR DEPARTMENT / EXHIBIT A
YOU'RE HIREDUNFORTUNATELY.
Your new identity crisis.
* SAMPLE BADGE. REAL LACK OF QUALIFICATIONS.
ZERO QUALIFICATIONS ✳ UNLIMITED POTENTIAL TO DISAPPOINT ✳ YOUR DREAM NON-JOB ✳ ZERO QUALIFICATIONS ✳ UNLIMITED POTENTIAL TO DISAPPOINT ✳
EMPLOYEE PORTAL / LOCAL SESSION
Welcome back,
employee.
INCOMING PAPERWORK
Approve a meeting about meetings.
The previous meeting failed to determine if we needed this meeting.
AWAITING YOUR QUESTIONABLE JUDGMENTWELLNESS INITIATIVE
Take an unnecessary break.
Ten seconds of being professionally unavailable.
YOU'VE EARNED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.YOUR PERFORMANCE REVIEW
00documents needlessly approved
Business impact0%
Employment statusSomehow employed
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01 / CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
Find your lack of calling.
Big titles. Small expectations.
All positions are permanently open.
BENEFITS INCLUDE: A TITLE. THAT'S THE LIST.
02 / THE EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK
We take doing
nothing seriously.
An internet club dressed as a corporation.
You bring the bad ideas. We give them a department.
HR APPROVEDWITHOUT READING
Get a ridiculously important title.
Pick your department. Put your name on a badge. Congratulations on the lateral career move.
Make it everyone's problem.
Post your badge, write a terrible office memo, or nominate the printer for CEO. That's the company culture.
Show up. Accomplish very little.
Stamp pointless paperwork. Take a break. Help write the next chapter of this deeply dysfunctional company.
03 / INTERNAL COMMUNICATIONS
This could've been a meme.
The printer has been promoted.
It consistently produces more output than management. Please welcome your new line manager.
— Human Resources, allegedlyFriday has been moved to Monday.
This decision was made in a meeting you weren't invited to. Your feedback has already been ignored.
— Department of Unnecessary ChangesNothing.
Ahead of schedule.
Our target is zero. We believe we can do less.
— The Board of InactionYOUR CAREER ENDS HERE. IN A GOOD WAY.
You're one bad decision
away from management.
Free to join. No wallet needed. No actual job included.
THE COMPANY COIN
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